Episode 4: Thank heavens for angry chick music: A love episode?

Let me be blunt. I am on Match.com. "Oh, that sounds fun," you say? It is about as much fun as I imagine hemorrhoids would be (really, kind of annoying). Here is the thing about online dating, people are on there to try and get dates. Wipe that shocked look off your face, please. So, we put our best selves on there, we might embellish a few details, or display our "ideal" selves, or the self that we would like to be. I have on my profile that I like to run. I DO NOT like to run. I ran a 1/2 Marathon last year (an AMAZING EXPERIENCE), but the experience did not convert me into a future Iron Woman. Therefore, because I have marked the "running" box, I get all of these matches that "also like running"!!!!! YAAAAY!!!!

Now, Match Gremlins, please find me someone who works out like a normal person (This means regrettfully goes 3-4 times a week, but would grab a beer with a buddy if the offer came along before he made it to the gym). Also, Match Gremlins, if he could have a DVR list that is consistently 72% full of shows that he wants to catch up on, it might make him more normal too. I do not trust men who do not watch TV/SPORTS/PLAY (a reasonable amount of)VIDEO GAMES. WAIT! No, their DVR cannot interfere with my DVR, so we are going to have to have a discussion about this. Anyway, Match Gremlins, maybe if you added a section on the profile for people to give clues that they are not superhumans, this "REAL" woman would appreciate it. Oh, and I am sorry about feeding you after midnight and spilling my water on you. Please stop sending me freaks, 50 year olds, and men that are so full of themselves that they post a picture of themselves ontop of a Mountain with their shirts off (Match.com is NOT an Old Spice commercial).

I know that people have had success on these websites, and if I didn't have hope, I would not be on the site. If nothing else, I am learning more about myself and my likes and dislikes, as well as, what I am looking for in a date, or a person who gets to spend time with me. That is worded correctly, by the way. The thing is, that I have decided that if a man is interested and wants to hang out with me, then he is darn lucky. This is not ego. This is about recognizing that I have a lot to offer and bring into a realationship/partnership/friendship. Twelve years ago, I remember feeling like it was personal when a boy wasn't interested in me, romatically. It might have been the case, sometimes. Now, in my wise old age of 32, after having more experience, going through a divorce, and beginning the dating process again, I have realized, "ITS NOT ME, ITS YOU!!!!" If you do not want to date me, it is A-OK. If you can't recognize the awesomeness, then someone else will, SUCKA!!!! There are other fish in the sea.

Let me, quickly and briefly, touch on the phrases, "There are other fish in the sea," and "You have to kiss a lot of Frogs..."  Does anyone else see the theme that we are correlating the male population with beings that are cold, slimey, and have scales or warts???? Let me be clear, I am not looking for any old Clown fish (Thankfully, Nemo has been found), I am looking for a rare species. One that has character and ambition. This fish has to know a good thing when he sees it and it should be easy. Plus, he has to want to be hooked.....
About kissing frogs.....Seriously? We have to KISS the frog before he turns into a PRINCE? This sounds like a lot of work... and will require a trip to Costco for a tub of mouthwash and the gigantor Crest tube. I guess I better renew my membership.

You see, it is important to know that I obsess about a lot of crap. It is the curse of the commute. Every ounce of me wants to know why? What did that mean? Will it happen again? How can I start preparing myself for him not calling me again? I should get pedicures weekly, just in case. Why didn't he email me back? Was it something I said? This kind of thinking is what gets me in trouble. I know I am not alone in my neurosis, by the way. Admit it!

I read a book, recently, that attempted to get me to think about how the male population thinks about dating. Holy crap.....we are 2 different creatures. In the end, it is clear to me that men, for the most part, know what they want in a woman they want to date, and in a woman that they want to marry. These 2 things can overlap, but they have to have the time to process that the woman that has the "dating" qualities, also has the "marriage" qualities, WTF??!?!?! So, the author wants me to make a list. Write down everything I could ever want in a man, then pull out the "must haves." I can do this, I just have to run to Staples to get a binder and a 500pack of lined paper. I'm kidding.....maybe I just need a composition booklet.

One other take home message.... If he is interested, he will make contact. SO simple. A little hard to swallow. I might take up witchcraft or voodoo. Thank God for Pink and Kelly Clarkson, et al.....with out them, I would have no angry chick music to sing at the top of my lungs when I am feeling, particularly, frustrated with my dating experiences or relationship status.

I am not in a place, yet, where I am suffering, severely, from missing romantic love. I keep my head up, a smile on my face, and a touch of makeup, just in case.  At this point in my life, I am fullfilled with so many other loves. I know I am loved and I give love back on a daily basis. I am also learning to speak the language of love to myself....my bathroom mirror gets pretty steamy at times.

Today, I loved each and every one of my coworkers (even most of the doctors....NOT ALL). I get to deal with these little resilient beings (the patients) at work that melt my heart every day. I love what I do, and I rarely dread going to work. Tomorrow, I get to go spend the day with the most important little man in my life, Arthur (my nephew). He thinks I'm hilarious. He is, clearly, very smart. My "Official" Valentine was my best friend, Carissa's, daughter, Aubrey. She asked me to be her Valentine and followed it with telling me she loved me...Ummm, best Valentine ever! I need to put a plug in for my friends kids and my cousin's kids. My friends and cousins have the best kids. They all act like they love me. Such an ego boost, really...Or, it could be that I am really immature and they think I am just a ginormous 5 year old.

(Arthur, my favorite photography subject)

There isn't enough blog-space for me to talk about the love that I receive from my family. My parents are 2 of the most giving people I know. They give me, what I imagine, is the best example of what unconditional love could be. Lets face it, I can be pretty ornery, but they keep coming back. So, either they are crazy, or they think I am going to win the lottery and they will receive a big payout, or they love me a whole lot without exception. I think its the latter, and its mutual. I love you, parents.

So, in the end, romantic love feels good, I remember that well. But it isn't the end of the world that I don't have it right this minute. I have every other kind of love imaginable.

(I took this last Saturday from the Ferry. It is NOT in black and white....this was the color of SF from the bay. Isn't she gorgeous? I love this city)