Episode: Aw Crap its been so long I have to start a new season?!

Hello Friends, Families, fake FB Animal pages,

  First of all, I apologize. I left you all hanging on suspensefully, waiting to see what this wacky life journey was going to bring me next, or where it would take me. There have been many undocumented events since March, including an insane Caribbean Cruise. However, tonight, I have something else on my mind. Grab a cocktail... you know you want one. Oh wait, that's me.

WARNING: If you are an overly sensitive male, read no further.... Actually, read on and learn a little something about female perceptions.

  I want to disect the standards that have been set by our society around dating, men and the "chase" vs. what I am looking for, the roller coaster of lust/love, and the fear of judgment. I know this sounds like it could take a serious turn... Don't worry, my readers (all 4 of you), I hope to give you a few giggles out of this. For the record, I will have succeeded even if you are giggling AT me.

  Society and the standards of dating:
   Remember when a gentleman used to drop a note, or visit a lady in her sitting room if he was interested in "courting" her? (I don't know, its been a while since I read Pride and Prejudice- Sorry Mom) Anyway, I guess we could equate that to online dating. He looks at your profile and if he likes what he sees, he makes contact. Technology has not changed the basic premise. Whew!
   Part 2 of this silly little mind jacking process, is the part when you, ladies, are supposed to be calm, cool, collected, and ok with the fact that he hasn't come over for high tea, or invited you to a ball (game), or even called for that matter. Nope, sit and wait. Wait and sit. Gain weight...whatever. All of the literature I have read says, most guys like the "chase." They also prefer it if we are not too nice...apparently.
  I am here to tell you, that is the stupidest crap I have ever heard in my entire life. Unfortunately, though, for the most part it is true. Seriously, though, if you find one that doesn't want to play the game, he is a keeper. It doesn't have to be hard. Yes, make him work a little bit for it, but as an independent, self sufficient (beautiful) woman, that is very hard to do.
 Hey! You! You are hot! We both like to watch sports and you think it is cute that I nerd out on Star Wars every so often. We would be a good match. Lets go out! (That was the independent woman asking)....And there he goes... scampering away like the roadrunner.

The ugly truth (not the movie): I have dated a few (numbers are irrelevant) men in my time as a "newly" single thirty-something Ginger. Dating is a numbers game, and I recognize that each and every one of these guys were a learning experience in his own right. I will only briefly run through some of my lessons, but avoid the dirty details. My mom is one of my 4 readers.

   Lesson 1: Men who want to hook up with you and "three of your single co-workers" have unrealistic expectations. My co-workers are out of this world amazing, and there is not a male on this planet that could handle 4 of us at one time, in any fashion. Also, I respond well to, "I am sorry, but I am just no longer interested." Obnoxious requests only give me material with which I can use in my blog and my girlfriends and I, absolutely, will make fun of you over lunch.

  Lesson 2: It doesn't matter how educated they are or how solid their job is....if they have messed up priorities, or unresolved issues, they will not treat you how you deserve to be treated or even be able to meet you half way.

  Lesson 3: You are amazing. Smart, beautiful, and darn funny. However, if he says, "I am falling in love with you," or "I just want someone who is available at all times to talk to me whenever I want," or both, within 1 week... Run...RUUUUN!!!!!

  Lesson 4: Know what you want. If you don't know, you are wasting your time. Know what your MUST HAVEs are, and what you are willing to live with. Don't pretend that you are ok with teaching the 35 year old how to balance his checkbook...

  (Finally) Lesson 5: Do you. You don't want to meet someone fabulous and have him fall in love with some fabricated ideal you have of yourself. If you have mood issues when your blood sugar gets low, eh hem, make sure he sees that side of you, or knows it exists. I also like to make it very clear that I appreciate a person who can firmly, but gently, let me know when it seems my blood sugar, eh hem, is getting low.

So, at the end of the day, I have learned I need to love myself and be nice to myself on a regular basis. I am looking to find someone who is perfect, by my standards, and who sees me as perfect by his. I won't (entirely) play hard to get, but I will be true to my needs and wants. I will not be needy, and try not to have unrealistic expectations.

Stay tuned... my next posting will be soon... and it will detail the wildest Caribbean Cruise I have ever been on... OK, I have only been on 1 other and I was 14.... Just stay tuned....

I look so relaxed. It is hard not to when you are in the Caribbean.... that's your teaser...

Episode 9: Costa Rica- the finale: Sloths, monkeys, and spiders??!!! Oh my!

Tuck in, grab a cup of tea (or a cervesa)... This one is even longer.

As this trip nears it's end, my cameras are tired. I, however, am refreshed, enriched, have a few more freckles, and am contemplating how I can escape to this magical place again within the year.
I would, easily, go as far as saying I would come here, to Costa Rica, rather than Hawaii. Hawaii is beautiful and tropical, don't get me wrong. I enjoy myself when I'm there, but it is just so commercialized at this point. Not that I'd ever turn down the opportunity if offered a visit. Let me show you why:

Day 4: Did you know, in Costa Rica, the children are treated as pediatric patients until they are 12.5 yrs old.... In America, we consider them pediatrics until they are 21 (especially, if they have a chronic illness followed by a pediatric service, or a cancer affiliated with the pediatric population). So >13yr old kids with cancer get put in the adult oncology wards is Costa Rica.
Then came along an inspiring and handsome kiddo, named Daniel Arce. Daniel was diagnosed with osteosarcoma at age 15, in 2003. He spent 4 years fighting, with 29 rounds of chemo and 9 surgeries. This means he spent a lot of time hospitalized with adult patients. The boy, who wanted to become a doctor, became a man who wanted to learn about finance, so he could make money to build a better, in hospital, experience for adolescents with cancer. He began creating a plan that incorporated creating a room with things appealing to a teenager... Flat screen tv, Wii, brightly painted walls, redone bathrooms, and a computer. He began raising money, but passed away at the age of 20, without the chance of seeing the final results of his legacy. His family recognized the importance of completing his project and created Proyecto Daniel (Project Daniel)...
On this day, before heading off to the beach town of Puerto Viejo, with all of our luggage piled high on top of the bus, we had the opportunity to hear this inspiring story and see, 1st hand, the outcomes. We met Maria, Daniel's mom, outside of Hospital San Juan de Dios (1845)... The oldest hospital still standing (not rebuilt) on San Jose.... She told us his story, and I lost it. Tears! What an inspiration. She used her connections to get us some time with the patients in the Proyecto Daniel rooms (1 boy room -with 2 beds, and 1girl room- with 3 girl beds). They were beautiful, as were the patients inside. We spent time playing with colorful wax thingies (see pic), beading, watching Next Top Model, and giggling with the girls. When it was time to go, I slipped my email address to the 17yr old girl I was hanging out with, and told her to use it any time. Though it was against the rules to take pictures of her, her face and smile will always be encapsulated in my mind and heart. She and I took pictures of our creations, which I have posted for you to enjoy.
Every time Maria spoke of her son, he was referred to as, "My Danny." The sign outside of the 2 rooms said, "Vivir Nuestros sueños y hacerlos realidad. Gracias Daniel por tu herencia." In English, "Living our dreams and making them true. Thank you Danny for your inheritance."
I feel like I should stop there, but there is so much more to say.... Pouring down rain, off we went to the Caribbean. Lush, with spontaneous waterfalls, a wonderful SLOTH sighting, and monkey sightings. Jorge maneuvered the bus towards our little hotel... Ok, maybe we got lost once. Ultimately, we made it safe and sound. There was no jacuzzi for jacuzzi-boozie time, so we made do with just boozie.... Resourceful, eh?

Day 5: We, Californians, are "missing" the rain this year. I mean, we don't actually miss it, we love the beautiful weather, right? But everyone repeat after me: if it's yellow, let it mellow; if it's brown, flush it down... Lock it in, because we are headed for a drought! In Costa Rica, this is not an issue because it rains 13 months out of the year. This, particular day was a rain day. Did that stop us fierce travelers? NO!
In the pouring rain, we rode bikes, attempted ocean kayaking twice (the second time was successful), successfully river kayaked, swam and played in the waves, rode our bikes again, and zip-lined. It was a nice relaxing day in the Caribbean. We were exhausted.
Our team for zip-lining was a hoot. We were in fits of laughter most of the time, and I got to see 2 SLOTHs!!! But the fits of laughter were only made worse when the following happened: On the fastest and steepest line, I watched the 2 teammates in front of me fly down and make some form of contact with the tree. They were laughing and uninjured as the guide, also known as my Hero, on the other end helped them down. As I got hooked up, the guide on MY end looked at me and said, "No break..." This wouldn't be a problem, as I had yet to figure out the whole breaking thing. So off I go, yelling out our team's flight yell of "that shit craaaaaay" ( please note that the cray part is similar to how Tarzan would yell). As I'm racing toward the platform, I am realizing that maybe the best plan would be to open my legs and straddle the tree, thus avoiding breaking my ankle. But at the last moment, my Hero jumped out to catch me and I ended up straddling him instead. My teammates lost it as I apologized profusely. We were both bright red with embarrassment.... One platform later the 2 guides wanted to take our group's picture... I wonder why... I hope he knew it was just a one zip-line stand, because I'm not sure I can commit to a repeat performance on that level.

Day 6: This day was hot (and not in a just straddled someone on the zip-line kind of way). Off we went to an indigenous community school, with a wonderful guide named Alex. I think it is important for you to know that Alex, and a guide named Jupy (sounds like: Jew-pee) who I will talk about later, would just hop onto our bus in downtown Puerto Viejo. We know Maria and Jorge knew they were coming, but we were surprised. So Alex hops on and off we go! As we drive he is telling us about the community and it's people. He mentioned that we will have a 3 kilometer walk to get to our destination. The director (teacher)?of the school walks it every day, as do many of the children. Ok! Let's do this.... Let's fast forward to 10 minutes Into the hike. It was straight uphill!!! No joke... I was in tears, it was so awful. But then you take a break and turn around and there is this beautiful valley, with a river and the mountains of Panama. I thought, "Come on girl! You got this," along with the support of a few of the people in my group who took loving pity on me, and I made it to the top! At the other side of the hill was the Freakin Emerald City, a little school, one room, with a huge field surrounded by jungle and some other buildings. Just up the way there was a little clinic, where the doctor visits 1 time per month.
As we enter the room, it looks just like a classroom with desks and a chalkboard. But the walls were half chain link, there were 2 overflowing bookshelves with used books, and a tattered flat soccer ball in the corner. The children sat obediently wondering what the heck we wanted from them, I'm sure.
After introductions were made, some of our group started handing out coloring books and art projects, while some set up a blood pressure station, and others handed out toothbrushes and floss with little demonstrations. I, of course, went to my happy place... I started taking pictures. The kids love seeing themselves on the camera. It makes them smile, so I was sure to show them every picture I took of them. Then part of the group moved outside, where a new soccer ball began getting used. Those kids were good! We also introduced them to a jump rope, bubbles, and beach balls. We had so much fun for a couple of hours with these kids. Alex said that they all seemed so happy that we were playing with them. It was hard to leave. I think we could have stayed for several more hours. I talked the teacher into giving a few of us a ride back to our bus.... I'm not an idiot.
But, as if the day couldn't get any better, it did. Alex took us to another indigenous community school. This one was more easily accessible and slightly better equipped.... The children were waiting for us, and since we were pros at playing, at this point, off we went... Soccer, coloring, puzzles, stickers, blood pressures, etc. they were hysterically funny, and in such great spirits. These children (at both schools) had nothing, but they were so grateful that we were there spending the time playing with them. This was my favorite day of the whole trip.... Despite the crying in the beginning. Cause for going out on the town that evening.
I learned, however, to find out a hotel re-entry plan when you get home really late. No joke, I was at the top of the chain link fence, ready to throw my leg over, when I was saved by a hotel employee who saw me and opened the gate. The next night he gave me a gate tutorial... A day late and a dollar short dude.

Day 7 (the last one I will chronicle in detail, I promise): I have mixed feelings about this day. But, it started on a hilarious note. As we came to a stop in the town of Puerto Viejo, the bus door opened and a Rasta-man, with long dreads, a wife-beater and cargo-shorts hopped on. Kathy, one of the instructors on the trip, reared back (she looked scared), waved her hands and said, "No no! This isn't your bus!" the man laughed, and Maria introduced "Jupy" our guide for the day. I was in hysterics..... Laughed so hard, I could hardly breathe. Poor Kathy. She is still claiming that she was just notifying him that it wasn't a "public" bus.... I think he scared the shit out of her.
We drove to a river, where we all piled into water taxis..... Wooden boats.... A little nerve wracking at 1st, but hey, it worked! On the other side of the river, we got onto a ghetto school bus and we went to this little tribe village. There we met a medicine man and learned a little bit about their culture. When we were done, we ate food from a banana leaf bowl. Really cool experience. The kids were not playful, more like scared. They did not like our bubbles. When the tour, et al, was over we had 2 hours to kill.... We did not enjoy this. There was nothing to do and i felt like we were intruding. Enough said.
We also did not enjoy our beach time that afternoon, at which point a massive wave took out a few of the girls and soaked a lot of our stuff. The casualties included, a pair of shorts, an iPhone, a camera, and a knee. Everything else was just wet and we were a little traumatized. However, in the late afternoon, I took the best nap. I know that is random, but it was that good. I had to mention it. Of course, it prepared me for another evening our with the girls.... An evening where friends of Jupy got free shots!!! Whoot whoot!!!

Our last day was all travel... It was sad. This was probably one of the best trips I have ever been on in my entire life. The experience has changed me and sparked my senses. It was enhanced by the comradery of the other 17 people in the group, and by knowing Maria and Jorge. I am walking away with so many new friends, an improved knowledge of what other cultures deal with in the healthcare world, and some really fantastic pictures.

P.S. the spiders in Puerto Viejo were indescribable... They were huge and mean looking. The ants carried leaves, and some bit us.... I loved it anyway.

P.P.S. The guy next to us on the plane smells so bad of B.O., that Charlene and I are risking being placed on the no-fly list by wrapping scarves around our faces... We did inform the flight attendants of our discomfort.... They don't offer deodorant. This is going to be a long 4 hrs....

Episode 8: Costa Rica: Part 2: I am not sure what day this is...

Warning: this is a long post. I have a lot to share.

I am not sure what day this is. Seriously.

When I am at home, you know, doing the daily grind thing, (Working, working, sleeping, working) it is easy to remember what day it is. I know I work certain days at UC, every Wed with my little Arthur, and Thursday and Friday I am at clinical, unless it's summer or Christmas..... But here, in this magical and amazing place known as Costa Rica, I keep hearing people say things like, "Well it is Saturday, so the shops are more crowded..." and I'm thinking, "it's Saturday?!?! What the heck? What happened to Thursday and Friday?" I know I have achieved some soul impacting, ultimate happiness goals here in the last few days, but it doesn't really matter which day that was... It's the Pura Vida!

Pura Vida means "Pure Life." the Costa Rican people are a relaxed, and laid back, people. They are nice and smiling pretty much all the time (except for the 2 guys we saw fighting on the street corner)... It is probably because they are all hyped up on the fabulous coffee this country produces.... I got a little coffee-wasted, myself, yesterday afternoon, so I can't pass judgment....
I have seen some of the most beautiful scenery here. Scenery that easily compares to the beauty of Yosemite and, yet, the 2 places are so vastly different, I probably shouldn't compare them. What I CAN say is that both places have the ability to reach inside my soul and take me to a place that makes my eyes water with happiness. The ability to just breathe. Whether it is the Poas Volcano, or Glacier Point, the natural beauty makes my heart swell, and they take me to my happy place. My happy place, as it turns out, is anywhere that I can have my camera...

I'll explain:
Day one: we hiked up to Poas Volcano, around and up to the Boto crater Lagoon, and back up and down to the original starting point. It was gooooorgeous, but please note that I just said we went up 3 times, and only down once!!! Plus, I was hiking to a volcano. They are high, thus there is an altitude shift.... So, this asthmatic was a little short of breath. Sure enough, inhaler and water in hand, I made it! After a second's recovery, I had my camera out and I forgot I was at 7 gazillion feet above sea level....breathtaking....literally.
So, then we get taken to this place called La Paz Waterfall Gardens. This place was like a mini zoo of Costs Rican animals, followed by a glorious hike to 2 waterfalls!!!!! Camera camera camera!!!!! (and iPhone camera!)
Then it was jacuzzi time- NO CAMERA... Well, at least not mine.

Day 2: We went to Carlos Maria Elder Care Center. Within the first 10minutes I was asked if I had an "esposo" (Spanish word for husband). My family will get a kick out of that one.... I have a history of being approached about these things while on vacation in Spanish speaking countries... Long story, don't ask. I got to do manicures and hand massages. I guess this vacation I took my Makeup artist title literally. But the look on these people's faces! They loved it! And then, I met him... El Generale.... Generale Alberto, who escaped from Cuba and came to Costa Rica where he served for El Presidente... Many many years ago. I new the General and I were going to have something special from the moment I saw him pretending to guard the entry gate. "Mine!!!" I yelled... And we laughed and danced, and danced some more, and he took a nap on my chest, and we looked at the pictures of our time together.... I never knew I could feel this way...but alas, it was not meant to be... I was hungry, and his dance moves were a little overwhelming... We parted ways. We then had the option of going to downtown San Jose or to go relax by the jacuzzi and pool.... I'm no fool. I picked relaxation over the other option. Back to the Jacuzzi.

Day 3: This day brought me to an emotional place that I cannot entirely put into words. Yes, I managed to be serious... Sorta. We went to Associacion Obras del Espiritu Santo, which is a combination orphanage and child care center. We arrived, and after a short tour, we were ushered into the brand new church that was built for the little community. This church was beyond words, only enhanced by the people singing and dancing during their church service. Until I heard the bells, I hadn't even realized it was Sunday. This was a place of joy and pride for these people. I swelled inside, it was almost a burning feeling. (No, I wasn't burning because I entered a church.... I know you were thinking it) .
We were ushered in, and I was allowed to be with one orphan... Mine, picked me. We locked eyes and he reached out. Love at first sight. This 3-ish year old boy was so funny and full of love. I got hugs and kisses galore. He just wanted to be cuddled and to be goofy. I can do this. He also loved my camera. There was something about the instant gratification of the digital picture, and he would laugh hysterically every time we would shoot one. All this is cute, and fun, but at the moment this little boy turned to the Student next to me and gave her the sign of the cross, then did it for the next 2 girls (all while never leaving my lap), and turned and did it to Charlene, on my left, I had lost it... Free flowing tears. So, finally, he turned and looked at me and cupped my face in his hands, then proceeded to give ME the sign of the cross. It is important to know that I was raised as a Presbyterian, and at this point, would not consider myself very religious. I went with it... How could I not??? One of the other teachers did look at my panicked face and commented, lovingly, on my confusion. By the time the Padre, who was running the show, pulled our leader, Luanne, up to tell us that we were always welcome and how much they appreciated our presence, I was a full blown mess.... I did not make a scene, but I did not hold it together, either.
After the service, we played with the children. I hate to say it, but it was unorganized chaos. In the end, my little guy stuck by my side, where he posed for picture after picture. Then he posed his buddy for a picture. Needless to say, they kept me smiling and busy. He was hard to leave. It reiterated the importance of adoption. If he could have fit into the suitcase that is holding all of your souvenirs, I would have brought him home. I'm not joking.... You people are spoiled.
After an emotional morning, it was time to get jacked up on coffee. Boy, did we ever!!! The Britt Coffee plantation did a wonderful and engaging tour. It ended with a roasting taste for which they needed 2 volunteers. I am a very shy person, as most of you know, so I blame the coffee for making my hand shoot up in the air before they even finished the word volunteer. For that, my friend, Charlene, and I earned Coffee Bean picker hats ( I specify, so as to not offend anyone). And then I won a raffle!!! Best day evaaaar! I will tell you, I gave the prize away to our very patient tour companion, Maria, and our muy guapo bus driver, Jorge (I gave him the coffee... Smart, huh?).
After we returned, it was only natural... Jacuzzi-boozi time was in order. I sat in there until my legs started cramping, my fingers looked like prunes, and my bladder was screaming in agony. Worth every second.

I still don't know what day this is....

To be continued...

Episode 7: Costa Rica Part 1: Lucky Traveling and My Job as a Hairdresser

I went to bed at midnight, Wednesday night, and woke up at 0130.... Feeling rested and ready to head off to the land of coffee and exotic fruit and plant exports, aka Costa Rica. We were told that the gate opened at 0300. Since our flight left at 0550, and it was an international flight, we needed to check in at 0250 (3 hrs in advance)..... You do the math. The Taca airlines people opened their gate a little early, which was so nice of them, as they were dealing with what comes closest to how I imagine a zombie would, actually, look. Brave souls, they are. The check in was smooth and I got to pick my seat, window or aisle. SCORE!!! Window, puhlease!!! My elation was soon batted down when she said, smilingly, "You're all set! The security gate will open at 0445, and you board at 0520. Have. A wonderful flight." Sounds ok, right? It was great customer service, yes, until I looked and saw that the clock said... 0307.... Tell me why I had to be here at 0300, again? Somebody? Anybody? I'm a walking zombie here, very hungry and ready to kill for coffee.... People, I faded fast. It is ok, I requested, to those in my immediate surroundings, that it would be lovely if they could do me the service of notifying me if I am drooling.
Awake and drooling, bloodshot eyes, delirium sets in, suddenly I'm feeling the way I do when I've had too much to drink (No alcohol was consumed at that time, but I am currently indulging in a Mid-air free beverage. It has been titled, the Howling Monkey.... Vodka and strawberry-banana juice. Even tastier due to its freeness). So in my delusional zombie state, I've, seemingly, had too many drinks and I am in that scene in Bridesmaids where Kristin Wiig is drunk on the plane calling the flight attendant "Stove....." I am suddenly giggling to myself. This solicited weird, oh she has lost it looks, however, no one said anything because I only asked them to tell me if I started drooling, I forgot to mention, if I start giggling spontaneously, call in professional help.
I am not going to lie. I was towards the beginning of the group of people I am traveling with, and, after the guy checked my passport and boarding pass, I took off in a jog, hi-fiving all of the people from my group in line.... Hey, it was early, and I was delirious. Isn't a happy hi-five better than glaring at everyone??? I was rallying the troops!
I would like to say, I seem to have pretty good luck with traveling (knock on wood!!!). When I went to Europe in the fall, I managed to have the 3 seats next to me open. So awesome. On this trip, it was a 3 seater and I was by the.... WINDOW (that's right, kudos to you for paying attention!), with another young lady on the aisle.... Guess what?!?! No one in between. YES! Let me just say, I got approximately, 3hrs of serious intermittent sleep. The plane ride was only 4.5 hrs. The rest of the time I read my book and worked on this blog, but that's boring. However, I did get some nice snacks and a Howling Monkey bev, named by moi (see above if you have already forgotten about that). I have a picture below.
One last thing for this 1st Costa Rica post, and please know that any of you who are in the medical field will understand this.... I assure you, the rest will find the following statements mortifying. Here goes: sometimes when I'm on vacation, I like to pretend I'm not a nurse. Most of the time I play off that I am a makeup artist or hairstylist (clearly struggling) with minimal knowledge of the medical field. Let me assure you, my knowledge would immediately reappear if I felt a medical situation was not under control, or that the girl had more than just a bloody nose. But, sometimes, though I love my job, I just want to be a Ginger on Vacation. Is that ok? Now, that being said, this vacation to Costa Rica is partly about being a nurse and and learning about the healthcare situation of a country other than my own. But when I am on my kayak, daydreaming on the beach, or sailing down that zip line, my alterego makeup artist self is present and ready for another Howling Monkey!!!!

Episode 6: I can do anything for 12hours.....anything.

I love my job. I love my job. I love my job.

 What you see there is a statement of fact. I DO love my job. But, what you are also seeing is a, sort of, mantra, that you will see many of my co-workers muttering over and over to themselves  on a daily basis. To the average patient, family member, or visitor, we just look crazy. They offer us food scraps, water, and their spare coins, but we refuse. We have to keep repeating these words while staring at the spot just in front of us, until we get into the med-room, where we can burst open with profanities that would shame a sailor. Yes, we pediatric RNs are potty mouths....and inappropriate at times in so many ways...but my God, we are a fun group of people! We might spontaniously laugh, dance, and/or sing at any moment...watch out, we'll come atcha like a spider monkey on stolen booze!!!

 So, when we are repeating the "I love my job" mantra, which is often followed closely by the "I can do anything for 12hrs" mantra, it can be for many reasons. Sometimes, it is in dealing with the Darling MDs. I, mean, they are so cute sometimes.

"I know you just sent of the labs that it took you 8 tries to get, but could you draw another set? We forgot to add on the ANCA and we need a Vanco level. Thats not a problem, right?" No! Of  course not! I love my job!
Or,
"I just switched the feeds rate back to 30/hr, advance 1.22 cc every 5.5 minutes, until you reach a goal of 92.456/hr. If they throw up, put it on hold for 3 seconds. Yup that oughta do it! Thanks!" Sure! I can do ANYTHING for 12 hrs!!!

  A constant source of joy. The truth is, all jokes aside, I know that I have met some amazing MDs on my unit. They put up with me on many different levels, and I appreciate that.

I have to be careful about discussing some of the other parts of my job that make me chant our mantras, but let me make a few things clear:

1. No, you may NOT have a private room. IF you want one so bad, we will have one ready for you in 2015 when our new hospital opens. Can I get you a pitcher of water?
2. I will happily get you everything you need, if you could just cluster the items a bit, it would be helpful, though there is a huge exercise benefit in running all over my unit.
3. I wash my hands, and/or alcohol my hands, approximately 896 times a day. My manicures never stay pretty.
4. I think the kiddos are cute...until they start hitting, kicking, biting, and screaming unnecesarily. Then, I give them this death stare that clearly conveys that I am not impressed with their behavior. I often will not do this directly in front of the parents. That way, when their child stops crying, and is now just whimpering (probably in fear), the parent thinks it is because of their consoling efforts. Its important that the parents think they are helping. I am happy to let them.
5. I know we went through the discharge paperwork with you at 1045am, so why is your ride coming at 815pm? We have a discharge lounge. Let me introduce you.
6. Yes, I know your med is due at 9am. But, did you know I have 1hr on each side to give it and it is still considered on time???
7. On any given day, I have approximately 8 admits on my list in the morning. By noon, its 12, and by 6pm, it is at 18. Our unit only holds 36 patients, and I don't have 15-18 discharges, so do you think that family will mind being set up in the public restroom? It is the only room we have available.

All of the above (and so much more) aside. My patient's parents are helpful, my patients make me laugh, and nothing is better than working your butt off and hearing a simple "Thank you." It means the world to us.

Today, I played the role of "Flex RN." This position is also, lovingly, referred to as "Floor Biotch." I, actually, love this role, because I get to get my hands in everyone else's business. I get to make my coworkers do things for me if they want my help. No, I'm kidding. Plus, you kinda feel like a superhero, sometimes. Today, I was so driven by the addrenalin of leaving for my trip to Costa Rica on Wed Night, that there was very little that could get me down.

I have finally been on the Pediatric floor long enough to watch some of my patients "grow up." What an amazing experience. It is astounding to watch them morph. I feel so honored to do what I do, and to have developed some of the amazing connections that I have with some of the patients and their families.

SO, yes, I love my job.

Episode 5: what do when you're bored, but not really...

I'm bored.
I'm also writing this on my phone with my blogger app!!! I've hit the big time, baby.... Orrrr, my laptop is in temporary timeout for having a rude charger. By rude, I mean non-functional. The new one should arrive Tuesday or Wednesday. Oh thank heavens for Amazon.com. Am I right???

I'm bored.
This was a 6 day work week for me. I shouldn't count the day I get to hang out with my nephew as a work day, but entertaining an infant for 8hrs is hard work!!! Ok, well, it's probably more work for him because he has to entertain me. He does a solid job of it, though. Anyway, that means today is my only day off! And I'm in between friend functions, so I don't know what to do with myself.
Yesterday, I proclaimed to my mom that I was going to attack my closet... Seeing as it is way overdue for being decompressed. But I met up with some really fantastic people and had a bottomless mimosa brunch this morning, so now I've lost my closet cleaning mojo. Doing that would help my boredom...
But, more importantly, is that really what I have become? I have been granted a few hours of piece and solidarity and I can't figure out what to do with myself???!!! Jeez... I need a vacation. Oh, that's right! I'm leaving for Costa Rica in under 2 weeks, so I guess I could start pulling things out to pack. That would help my boredom...
I even went to the gym last night so I didn't have to do it today. Should have waited (or be willing to go again).
Normally, I would be catching up on shows or editing pictures on my computer. Maybe I'm ill because I don't feel like turning on the tv, and we have already discussed the rude computer. Security!
I guess I could start doing my hair. No. Too early. I'm going out dancing tonight in the city. I am not sure why I'm going to go through the trouble of doing my hair, since after dancing it is going to become some awful sweaty version of my naturally curly mop. Oh, I know why!! A. I could meet Mr. Right in the 1st hr of the night, B. I might be in pictures in the 1st hr of the night. I'm always on the hunt for a new hot profile pick, eh? So, it's settled, I'll do my hair..... Later.

The solution is simple. It's nap time people.

Episode 4: Thank heavens for angry chick music: A love episode?

Let me be blunt. I am on Match.com. "Oh, that sounds fun," you say? It is about as much fun as I imagine hemorrhoids would be (really, kind of annoying). Here is the thing about online dating, people are on there to try and get dates. Wipe that shocked look off your face, please. So, we put our best selves on there, we might embellish a few details, or display our "ideal" selves, or the self that we would like to be. I have on my profile that I like to run. I DO NOT like to run. I ran a 1/2 Marathon last year (an AMAZING EXPERIENCE), but the experience did not convert me into a future Iron Woman. Therefore, because I have marked the "running" box, I get all of these matches that "also like running"!!!!! YAAAAY!!!!

Now, Match Gremlins, please find me someone who works out like a normal person (This means regrettfully goes 3-4 times a week, but would grab a beer with a buddy if the offer came along before he made it to the gym). Also, Match Gremlins, if he could have a DVR list that is consistently 72% full of shows that he wants to catch up on, it might make him more normal too. I do not trust men who do not watch TV/SPORTS/PLAY (a reasonable amount of)VIDEO GAMES. WAIT! No, their DVR cannot interfere with my DVR, so we are going to have to have a discussion about this. Anyway, Match Gremlins, maybe if you added a section on the profile for people to give clues that they are not superhumans, this "REAL" woman would appreciate it. Oh, and I am sorry about feeding you after midnight and spilling my water on you. Please stop sending me freaks, 50 year olds, and men that are so full of themselves that they post a picture of themselves ontop of a Mountain with their shirts off (Match.com is NOT an Old Spice commercial).

I know that people have had success on these websites, and if I didn't have hope, I would not be on the site. If nothing else, I am learning more about myself and my likes and dislikes, as well as, what I am looking for in a date, or a person who gets to spend time with me. That is worded correctly, by the way. The thing is, that I have decided that if a man is interested and wants to hang out with me, then he is darn lucky. This is not ego. This is about recognizing that I have a lot to offer and bring into a realationship/partnership/friendship. Twelve years ago, I remember feeling like it was personal when a boy wasn't interested in me, romatically. It might have been the case, sometimes. Now, in my wise old age of 32, after having more experience, going through a divorce, and beginning the dating process again, I have realized, "ITS NOT ME, ITS YOU!!!!" If you do not want to date me, it is A-OK. If you can't recognize the awesomeness, then someone else will, SUCKA!!!! There are other fish in the sea.

Let me, quickly and briefly, touch on the phrases, "There are other fish in the sea," and "You have to kiss a lot of Frogs..."  Does anyone else see the theme that we are correlating the male population with beings that are cold, slimey, and have scales or warts???? Let me be clear, I am not looking for any old Clown fish (Thankfully, Nemo has been found), I am looking for a rare species. One that has character and ambition. This fish has to know a good thing when he sees it and it should be easy. Plus, he has to want to be hooked.....
About kissing frogs.....Seriously? We have to KISS the frog before he turns into a PRINCE? This sounds like a lot of work... and will require a trip to Costco for a tub of mouthwash and the gigantor Crest tube. I guess I better renew my membership.

You see, it is important to know that I obsess about a lot of crap. It is the curse of the commute. Every ounce of me wants to know why? What did that mean? Will it happen again? How can I start preparing myself for him not calling me again? I should get pedicures weekly, just in case. Why didn't he email me back? Was it something I said? This kind of thinking is what gets me in trouble. I know I am not alone in my neurosis, by the way. Admit it!

I read a book, recently, that attempted to get me to think about how the male population thinks about dating. Holy crap.....we are 2 different creatures. In the end, it is clear to me that men, for the most part, know what they want in a woman they want to date, and in a woman that they want to marry. These 2 things can overlap, but they have to have the time to process that the woman that has the "dating" qualities, also has the "marriage" qualities, WTF??!?!?! So, the author wants me to make a list. Write down everything I could ever want in a man, then pull out the "must haves." I can do this, I just have to run to Staples to get a binder and a 500pack of lined paper. I'm kidding.....maybe I just need a composition booklet.

One other take home message.... If he is interested, he will make contact. SO simple. A little hard to swallow. I might take up witchcraft or voodoo. Thank God for Pink and Kelly Clarkson, et al.....with out them, I would have no angry chick music to sing at the top of my lungs when I am feeling, particularly, frustrated with my dating experiences or relationship status.

I am not in a place, yet, where I am suffering, severely, from missing romantic love. I keep my head up, a smile on my face, and a touch of makeup, just in case.  At this point in my life, I am fullfilled with so many other loves. I know I am loved and I give love back on a daily basis. I am also learning to speak the language of love to myself....my bathroom mirror gets pretty steamy at times.

Today, I loved each and every one of my coworkers (even most of the doctors....NOT ALL). I get to deal with these little resilient beings (the patients) at work that melt my heart every day. I love what I do, and I rarely dread going to work. Tomorrow, I get to go spend the day with the most important little man in my life, Arthur (my nephew). He thinks I'm hilarious. He is, clearly, very smart. My "Official" Valentine was my best friend, Carissa's, daughter, Aubrey. She asked me to be her Valentine and followed it with telling me she loved me...Ummm, best Valentine ever! I need to put a plug in for my friends kids and my cousin's kids. My friends and cousins have the best kids. They all act like they love me. Such an ego boost, really...Or, it could be that I am really immature and they think I am just a ginormous 5 year old.

(Arthur, my favorite photography subject)

There isn't enough blog-space for me to talk about the love that I receive from my family. My parents are 2 of the most giving people I know. They give me, what I imagine, is the best example of what unconditional love could be. Lets face it, I can be pretty ornery, but they keep coming back. So, either they are crazy, or they think I am going to win the lottery and they will receive a big payout, or they love me a whole lot without exception. I think its the latter, and its mutual. I love you, parents.

So, in the end, romantic love feels good, I remember that well. But it isn't the end of the world that I don't have it right this minute. I have every other kind of love imaginable.

(I took this last Saturday from the Ferry. It is NOT in black and white....this was the color of SF from the bay. Isn't she gorgeous? I love this city)

The "Real" Episode 3: Its ok to softly close a door, to make room for others to open, right?

Ok, so if there is one HUGE thing I have learned in this last year of newfound single"dumb", its that a door slammed shut, and a million opened up. When I say that door slammed, I mean it rattled the house....closed. Done. Finite. No Mas. But, then there were little angels singing (also known as my family, friends, and therapist), and their song sang "YOOOOOU Aaare GOOOOING TOOOOO BEEEEEE OOOOKKKKK!!!!" It was in 8 part harmony (I'm not sure if that is possible), and there was even a little hip hop exerpt....so cool. But, I digress.

I felt a little suffocated by my own panic for the future, at first. A little trip to Hawaii, helped that (Thanks Mikey). Because, lets face it, if we could all melt our biggest problems away with a trip to Hawaii with a lifelong friend (I think we are going on 17years?), this world would be a much more relaxed and tan place. It was luck and timing all rolled into one.

 (Aren't we precious...we needed a seperate closet for his scarves...)

Ok, so back to the initial panic moment... when I called my BF, Carissa, to tell her that my marriage was ending, through my hysterics, I asked her if I could borrow her children, in case I didn't get the opportunity to have my own. Oddly, she jumped at the idea. So all these questions popped into my head... Will I meet someone else? Will I get to have kids? What happens next? What will happen with Clayton (my step-son from the marriage...FYI)? Dating?? Really?? I hated dating!  The answer was simple...DAWN, JUST BREATHE!!!!

(They are so cute...Why would she want to give them away???)

 So, breathing, hmmm....Well, it turns out we all do it naturally. Apparently, it isn't really that hard. Self discovery, being in one's own body is not something we humans do well, but I'm learning that taking a moment to breathe, noticeably, can add 1 moment of stress reducing clarity into my life. Sometimes, I will even breathe for 5 moments. What can I say? I am a rebel.

 I am a firm believer that we can establish our own destiny. That can be a fine scope to a broad spectrum destiny. You can look in the mirror in the morning and see every fat roll, wrinkle, weird hair that wasn't there yesterday, because we all do it. BUT, what if we all looked in the mirror just once a day and said, "You are amazing! And here is why....." (fill in the blanks...Mad Libs, of sorts)??? Fake it until you make it? Maybe. But when I put on a smile on a day that doesn't really deserve a smile, I feel better. That is my destiny for that day. I will smile and crack jokes so you smile...I will fake it until I make it.

(Isn't it beautiful? My amazing and beautiful friend, Amy, found this and took a picture...it is now my lock screen picture on my phone) 

 I am still figuring out what I want my destiny to be. That is why I keep opening doors. I can be kind of a "yes-woman", of sorts sometimes (exhausting). I recently came to the conclusion that not all doors need to be slammed shut, but rather, just a soft close. Lets just tuck it away, in the back of that filing cabinet in our brains. Its a great little filing cabinet because you might never need to access it, but its there just in case. If I can softly close doors, then I can clear my brain of all the nonsense crap that isn't worth the energy at this particular moment. Though, there is plenty of other rambling crap that moves right in...DAMN OSMOSIS!

( Isn't this door grreeat?! Look where the knob is? I took this pic in WONDERFUL Ireland)

So, on this road to self discovery/destiny seeking/door-opening awesomeness, I am learning to be amazing, as I define it. That is the sum of it all.  Now its your turn, go open some doors and be amazing this week!!!

GO SUPERBOWL COMMERCIALS!!!!

(P.S.....I was in a peptalk kind of mood this week, more for me than you, but I hope you benefitted from it as well...BRING ON THE WEEK!!!!)

(Breathe)

Episode 3: Ah, the Joys of Social Media

Remember, MySpace? Yeah, me neither, really.

  I would have thought that the creator of a social media website would have been a woman. How many men do you know are sitting at home thinking about facebook stalking their ex, or their new crush, or their old college roommate, or the girl they lost their virginity to, or their....well the list goes on, doesn't it? I mean we women openly discuss our tendency to facebook stalk. In fact, we like it, we like it a lot! Don't lie, girlfriends, you were stalking your high school rival when you saw my blog pop up and decided to stalk me instead. Its fine. Stalk me. I like it.

 And it goes so far beyond the fun of stalking, you can spend hours and hours of mindless excitement building gardens, and raising farms, and popping bejeweled gems or playing poker. Who needs a clean house or exercise ANYWAY!!! (Speaking from personal experience only, no judgements, I swear)

 We can show off our photography, our artwork, and our beautiful and talented kids (or cats). That truely is awesome.

  We can make public political statements, post funny pictures that we've swiped from other people, get some great insight into what makes those people that we know currently, or knew at one point in time, tick, and walk hand in hand with people as they share everything from the birth of their child, their latest vacation, or the new miniskirt that they bought that day (ICK! ACK! YUK!). What an awesome forum. You can now know where I am at every moment of my life!!!! LUCKY YOU!!!

  Its about seeing a video on youtube and being able to immediately post it to a friends wall, so you don't have to wait until they come to your house and watch it on your VHS....wait...DO YOU STILL HAVE A VHS???

 I love inspired posts, with intention, quotes, and humor. I love positivity and self promotion. I love excitement for what is happening today and pride in your life.

  What I don't appreciate about social media is when people use it for evil. This technology really is a superpower that should not be abused. I dislike the cryptic messages spouting anger and frustration about a person. I mean, you posted it so that person would see it, right? What ever happened to saying, "Hey, lets have a conversation about this problem. We can work it out in privacy." NO NO NO....instead it is pissing and moaning....WAAAAAAAH! I get it, though. I've been there. It is hard to avoid, plus the support and sympathy is really nice. I think there is always a funny and tactful way to post about your frustrations, though, I did learn this over time. If you can't do it, someone out there said "If you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all." (I should probably be a quieter person...)

 I also HATE (HATE HATE HATE) the misspelled, text speak posts. BAH! HATE!!!!! Thats all.

What about when you want to delete a "friend" but you are scared of confrontation? You're tired of reading about their 500mile run in detail, how many reps they did at the gym, that their big toe has grown another 0.34cm, that they want to beat the *&$@^ out of that @&#%*, or they stole your most recent heartthrob and you think "HATE" everytime they post something....well, Facebook has a solution!!!! YAY! You can UNSUBSCRIBE??!!!!! Its like deleting them, but you aren't. This means you can occasionally stalk, but you don't have to see all 867 self portrait pictures they just posted in a matter of minutes, which makes you openly growl at your computer/ipad/Kindle fire. The stalking is on your terms. Novel idea.

All of a sudden it occurred to me, we have "Big Brother'd" ourselves. We saved the government from a lot of work.

Thank you. Mark Zuckerberg.

 I love Facebook. It keeps me in touch, and gives me a voice. I will continue to try to use it for good and not evil.

Everyone have a safe and wonderful weekend! I am taking Bambi and Ricardo to the OC to visit Trixie...This might lead to another post over the weekend, we will see.

Episode 1, part deux: I have a disease....

Well, that got your attention didn't it???? You people are nosey.

 I only suffer from a disease that many of us suffer from at some point in our lives, if not for the duration. If you don't then you are missing a valuable life lesson. It isn't contagious, don't worry. symptoms include: intermittent flushing/diaphoresis, the urge to growl, tourettes type outbursts, the urge to start typing in all capitols, followed by possible paranoia, tears, and the need to incessantly apologize for your behavior.

What is this madness, you are asking yourself....has Dawn become Miss Hyde to her Jekyll, RN?

Diagnosis: FOOT IN MOUTH DISEASE: a disease in which a person speaks before thinking, processing, and formulating a reasonable response to another person's communication (be it in conversation, email, facebook or texting).

Other terms for this Disease: DIARRHEA OF THE MOUTH; IMPATIENT RESPONSE SYNDROME; and POST-RESPONSE REGRET ANXIETY DISORDER.

See, my form of this disease is not, usually, in verbal conversation. If it happens, I can recognize it quite quickly. MY strain is of the email/facebook/texting persuasion.

I think this is the worst type of the disease because it is so easy to hit "Reply" and start typing furiously, and it sounds soooo good in my head, and I put a lot of commas, and capitols, and exclamation points and question marks.....Then I, merely, press the "send" button and off it goes!

THEN THE PROOF READING HAPPENS! You go back and read the original email, and BOOM! The rest of it has loaded onto your phone, and you missed a huge important part, which, basically, makes you look like a lunatic....so, then the panic sets in, and you wait....contemplating how you can make it better....Send another email? Wait to see the response? OOOOHHHHH! What to do......

The solution is simple. BACKPEDAL!!!!!! APOLOGIZE PROFUSELY! Offer up your first born child/cat/roommate?

 In the end I have learned, just own up to your mistakes and gently remind the person you are human. So, to all of you who have ever had this disease, just know that there is no cure, but there is a treatment: Humility, the ability to apologize, and maybe laughing about it a little....and you will be just fine.

Believe me. I had to do it this morning. Woops.

Episode 1: I'm "OK," No, seriously, I am.

I have tossed around the idea of writing a "Blog" many times over the last year. But, what to write about? My travels, my jobs, my family, my thoughts on life and how facebook plays a role, my cat? I got a beautiful response from my New Years Post, so I decided that my stories should be written. Well, actually, my friend and co-worker, said "you should write a blog." And, since I had been thinking about it already, that was just the push I needed.

WRITERS NOTE: This blog is merely my thoughts, stories, and adventures. Sometimes, names will be changed, sometimes not (it depends on if I will get in trouble or not), but mostly, I crack myself up, and I would like to make you laugh. But warning, sometimes I get serious and sad and irritated. I will try to make those times funny too. Feedback is always welcome. And, I also welcome suggestions on what you would like me to write about. An improv, of sorts.

I spend a lot of time in my car, and very often it is where I do a lot of my mental processing: What did she mean by that? I should work out, but I don't want to, but I like the way I feel after, ok, I guess I will go; To be a Weight Watcher or Not to be a Weight Watcher (again); Is he going to call? Where should I go on my next adventure? I should take a cooking class! I should take a dance class! I need coffee. I wonder if I should cook tonight, or get take out. Crap, I'm late again! What will I have to lecture my parents about next? Should I try online dating, but my personality is just so much better in person and not on a profile.....really, the list goes on on...

  One thing for today's post, since it was kind of just a warm up session, DOES ANYONE ELSE THINK IN STATUS UPDATES FOR FACEBOOK??? See, this is why this blog will be good for me. Because, on any given day, I have performed mental status updates for FB about 60 times. My actual posts might only be as many as 10, depending on what I am doing during the day. But, mentally, I am doing so much more.
  So then I start to think, is that where we are headed? Will I have to start watching my thoughts because WiFi will be, somehow, hooked to my, naturally snarky, brain, and I will be constantly offending people? The future is scary. But, I'll be OK. No, seriously, I will be.

XOXO