First of all, I apologize. I left you all hanging on suspensefully, waiting to see what this wacky life journey was going to bring me next, or where it would take me. There have been many undocumented events since March, including an insane Caribbean Cruise. However, tonight, I have something else on my mind. Grab a cocktail... you know you want one. Oh wait, that's me.
WARNING: If you are an overly sensitive male, read no further.... Actually, read on and learn a little something about female perceptions.
I want to disect the standards that have been set by our society around dating, men and the "chase" vs. what I am looking for, the roller coaster of lust/love, and the fear of judgment. I know this sounds like it could take a serious turn... Don't worry, my readers (all 4 of you), I hope to give you a few giggles out of this. For the record, I will have succeeded even if you are giggling AT me.
Society and the standards of dating:
Remember when a gentleman used to drop a note, or visit a lady in her sitting room if he was interested in "courting" her? (I don't know, its been a while since I read Pride and Prejudice- Sorry Mom) Anyway, I guess we could equate that to online dating. He looks at your profile and if he likes what he sees, he makes contact. Technology has not changed the basic premise. Whew!
Part 2 of this silly little mind jacking process, is the part when you, ladies, are supposed to be calm, cool, collected, and ok with the fact that he hasn't come over for high tea, or invited you to a ball (game), or even called for that matter. Nope, sit and wait. Wait and sit. Gain weight...whatever. All of the literature I have read says, most guys like the "chase." They also prefer it if we are not too nice...apparently.
I am here to tell you, that is the stupidest crap I have ever heard in my entire life. Unfortunately, though, for the most part it is true. Seriously, though, if you find one that doesn't want to play the game, he is a keeper. It doesn't have to be hard. Yes, make him work a little bit for it, but as an independent, self sufficient (beautiful) woman, that is very hard to do.
Hey! You! You are hot! We both like to watch sports and you think it is cute that I nerd out on Star Wars every so often. We would be a good match. Lets go out! (That was the independent woman asking)....And there he goes... scampering away like the roadrunner.
The ugly truth (not the movie): I have dated a few (numbers are irrelevant) men in my time as a "newly" single thirty-something Ginger. Dating is a numbers game, and I recognize that each and every one of these guys were a learning experience in his own right. I will only briefly run through some of my lessons, but avoid the dirty details. My mom is one of my 4 readers.
Lesson 1: Men who want to hook up with you and "three of your single co-workers" have unrealistic expectations. My co-workers are out of this world amazing, and there is not a male on this planet that could handle 4 of us at one time, in any fashion. Also, I respond well to, "I am sorry, but I am just no longer interested." Obnoxious requests only give me material with which I can use in my blog and my girlfriends and I, absolutely, will make fun of you over lunch.
Lesson 2: It doesn't matter how educated they are or how solid their job is....if they have messed up priorities, or unresolved issues, they will not treat you how you deserve to be treated or even be able to meet you half way.
Lesson 3: You are amazing. Smart, beautiful, and darn funny. However, if he says, "I am falling in love with you," or "I just want someone who is available at all times to talk to me whenever I want," or both, within 1 week... Run...RUUUUN!!!!!
Lesson 4: Know what you want. If you don't know, you are wasting your time. Know what your MUST HAVEs are, and what you are willing to live with. Don't pretend that you are ok with teaching the 35 year old how to balance his checkbook...
(Finally) Lesson 5: Do you. You don't want to meet someone fabulous and have him fall in love with some fabricated ideal you have of yourself. If you have mood issues when your blood sugar gets low, eh hem, make sure he sees that side of you, or knows it exists. I also like to make it very clear that I appreciate a person who can firmly, but gently, let me know when it seems my blood sugar, eh hem, is getting low.
So, at the end of the day, I have learned I need to love myself and be nice to myself on a regular basis. I am looking to find someone who is perfect, by my standards, and who sees me as perfect by his. I won't (entirely) play hard to get, but I will be true to my needs and wants. I will not be needy, and try not to have unrealistic expectations.
Stay tuned... my next posting will be soon... and it will detail the wildest Caribbean Cruise I have ever been on... OK, I have only been on 1 other and I was 14.... Just stay tuned....
I look so relaxed. It is hard not to when you are in the Caribbean.... that's your teaser...
